Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
