I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
