I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
