At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
