SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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