I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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