She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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