have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
