You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
