What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
