Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
