his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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