I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Mom said you looked used
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
