Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
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