I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I have already put on my inside pants.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
