You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize