So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I wish there were birth control emojis
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
