Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just want to make out with him forever
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
