Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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