Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
