problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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