whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
