is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
