Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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