I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
organizing the empties. That sober.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
