you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
