The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
