Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize