im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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