Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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