would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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