Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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