I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
