remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize