I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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