No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
