I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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