I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
