Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
It was confusing and full of hummus
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize