I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
