my vag is so smooth its legendary
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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