I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
