she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
