I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
