new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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