i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
