your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize