So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
