she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize