I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
