I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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