Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
