It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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