That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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