You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
