Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
