I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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