Cold hands, warm shart.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
