Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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