so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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