Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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