This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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