She is in my trunk
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
