I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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