I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
