Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
