You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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