dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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