So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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