Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
