I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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