So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
