he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
