i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
