There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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