Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
