I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
