oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
