Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
false alarm, still single
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