He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Randomize
