If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
