he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Green mimosas i think yes
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
