im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
