She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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