Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
