Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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