Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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