she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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