never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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