omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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