I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
