I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
FUCK WHALES
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