I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
