I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
