yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
This house was built for laser tag.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
