Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
