Me too!
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
