I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
