he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
