I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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